Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Busting of the Ego and a Return to the Platform

Spirit introduced me to platform work back in 2003. What is platform work, you ask? This is when the medium plucks people from the audience and gives them a reading. If you’ve seen John Edward or James Van Praagh do a “gallery”-style performance, that’s what it is. When I first began doing them, I was always terrified that nothing would happen. I would get panic attacks and worry that people would find me a fool. Fortunately, this ultimately wasn’t the case and excellent information did come through, but the more I did them, the more difficult they became, and I was doing them on a monthly basis. Finally, unwilling to take the anxiety attacks anymore and struggling to get information from the Other Side, I stepped down from platform demonstrations in 2007 and re-morphed my public services into private home settings, which didn’t necessarily have me connect with the deceased, but allowed me to simply be “psychic” (which is oftentimes easier than being mediumistic).

The new groups helped. I would still get anxious, but most of the time that anxiety would disappear after the first or second reading; and the crowd was considerably smaller. I continued to bring through messages from spirit, but it wasn’t as overwhelming, and I could jump out of being a medium and work strictly on a psychic level if I chose to.

But that’s what happens when you’re green.

For the last few years I have pounded the pavement in trying to develop, learn more, and define my mediumship. I have devoured scores of books on mediums and mediumship, as well as taken (finally) some actual courses which were able to give me much needed direction and explanation. This work has broken down a lot of barriers I didn’t know I had.

The main obstacle, of course, was my EGO. This has been the hardest to tackle, but looking back now on all the anxiety and stress before a service, this has been the culprit. When one worries about whether or not spirit will come through, what they are really worried about is looking foolish – which I was concerned about. Well, that isn’t looking out for spirit and spirit’s inspiration, that’s looking out for number one – the ego. “What if I’m wrong? What if I’m wrong? How will I look?” Yes, that is a natural thought, but if one clings to it as consistently as I did, then it becomes a HUGE distraction and disruption to the process of communicating with spirit. Even more so, if you’re also worried about how the sitter is going to respond to the information you bring through (“Will the information make me look like a fool”), that too is a distraction that will block the flow from spirit.

Pretty much what it all boiled down to wasn’t a lack of trust from spirit; it was more about how I was going to appear to my audience. It wasn’t until I finally started to let go of ME and simply watch out for what was being brought through did my readings really take off. Do I give stellar readings every time now? No, nobody ever does, but the quality of my readings and how I feel going into them has certainly changed.

Case in point: I did my first platform in over 5 years on February 4th at the Venus Moon in Renton. There was close to 40 people in the audience – the largest group to date (before then, my largest audience was 30). Before, when I had no real formal training and was “fending for myself” I would have been freaking out hours before the event started. But on this night, I was completely calm and relaxed. Not even that, I was excited! I knew, so long as I got out of my own way and gave my mind over to spirit, everything would be fine. And it was! I connected with 8 or 9 different people in the audience, with excellent information from spirit – including names, personal characteristics of the deceased, information surrounding how they passed, and much more, lasting for just over an hour in the demonstration. The only distraction I had was an ongoing fire or medical emergency, as ambulances and fire trucks were screaming by the building with sirens blaring. Nevertheless, I remained committed to being a vessel for spirit and spirit came through.

When it was over, a part of me felt a bit cheated. My mind was so used to viewing platform demonstrations as being stressful and frightening, yet that night it was the exact opposite. Part of me had been waiting for the sense of “work” which the spectre of fear used to bring, but it never came. I had zero fear, and spirit came through without problems. A member of my development circle who attended said I was “inspiring.” What a gift! (And she stood up and made a connection herself, which was equally a joy to witness!) I would love to have compared that demonstration with my last platform in ’07. I bet they would have been light-years apart in terms of quality and style.

So now I am committed to returning to the platform. Spirit has amazing messages to give and they are inspiring me to give them. I am always curious these days to hear what incredible details a person’s relative comes through with that is so unique and expressive that it screams “I’m really here!”

When it comes to doing the work of spirit, there is no room for the ego. As I heard a few years ago (and what has led me on my quest to dissolving it), the word EGO stands for Edging God Out. That is so right. As a medium, I am here to serve spirit, not myself. As a medium, spirit’s messages serve the client, and I can’t be the judge of what that information is, I can only deliver it with as much compassion and love as I can.

There are a lot of messages out there. I look forward to bringing them to the platform as I continue my work and my development throughout the year.

Hope to see you there!