Remembering Rose

This week I received the sad news of the passing of one of my eldest clients, Rose, affectionately known as “Grammy.” I met Grammy at my first private household group reading back in 2007. Though her body was frail because of her advanced age, when it came time to do her reading, her spiritual energy was still a fiery whirlwind of desire and exuberance. Over the course of several years and numerous readings, it was clear that Grammy led one heck of a life, filled with drive and zest. It was always a hoot when I would connect with one of her deceased husbands.

“I have a male here who he’s really close to you … There’s an age gap …. He’s passing a lot of affection to you – a husband figure.”
“They all wanted me. Oh god - which one is it?”

It was obvious, Grammy was quite the hot momma back in her younger years, leaving a trail of ex-husbands in her wake. Listening to these boisterous readings, through the laughter one could sense that she never wished to be tied down and wanted to live life to its fullest. Even still, you could tell she loved all her husbands, and they all loved her. And each husband, by the nature of her energy and the information that came though, was a relationship filled with fiery magnetism. She outlived them all, but in the course of these readings, her sway over them remained. I can remember one reading where 3 or 4 them came through, giving some quick evidential material to identify themselves, then commented about how they were all sitting around the card table partying and waiting to see her again. In the last few years when she was able to attend the group sittings, she was always curious about when that next cowboy was going to ride in and sweep her off her feet.

But things got tough, as they always do. In the latter end of her golden years, her passion for romance soon shifted into a desire to simply be free of pain. Her body hurt; it was tired. And the last time I saw Grammy, I think it was around November or December, when I took her hand to better connect with her energy, it was clear some of her fire had dwindled. (Even still, ex-husbands were there to say how much they loved her, and also provide a few quick glimpses of moments from the past that would get everyone laughing). Naturally, Grammy’s family was wondering how much longer she had, and I, too, wondered. The contrast of her energy from earlier readings to that final sitting was definitely different; but it was to be expected. Still, I knew I wasn’t going to get answer of when the dreaded timeframe would be for her departure, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have wanted to hear it in the first place.

The course of the last year was a tumultuous one, for both Grammy and her family. There were periods where they thought she was going to pass away, but then her fire would come back. I remember forecasting a series of months where things were going to get really tough physically and medically, and everyone wondered (including myself) if that was going to be “the time.” When those months came, a few events did trumpet some big struggles. Throughout the course of her decline, there were times when she would stop eating and drinking; she would become incredibly stubborn and difficult to deal with. But, when you’re holding onto life, or recalling your younger years when your body could exercise the choices of your mind, no doubt frustration and anger boils up as a natural reaction to the dissonance of mind to body, coupled with a sense of spiritual repression as things wind down. “To stay or to go” had to be a tremendous struggle for her. When one lived life with such gusto as she, how do you approach what can only be perceived as the end?

The last time I saw her, I was so honored. It was a testament to her strength, just to be there.

Earlier this week, I started receiving some signs. I did not know who they were for. When I saw an image of a Raven land on my kitchen counter while washing dishes, there was an unmistakable sense of knowing, someone was about to pass. And when you receive such a chill, it’s hard to shake off. I wasn’t told who, and truth be known, my emotions probably would’ve blocked the information.

The next day at work, my car was practically dive-bombed by a crow – a relative of the Raven. Here was another sign, which sent my mind spinning. To my detriment, the week was busy with many projects and events, keeping me way too tired to do my usual morning meditations. Perhaps if I had, I would’ve been open to receiving more information …

Then I received two more signs … A crow flew right by my head, nearly striking me as it went. The definitive answer came when I did my radio interview with Rhonda Hohmann on Wednesday. She mentioned she had pulled an animal card earlier in the day. When she said it was a butterfly, my heart sank. Though the card itself had a very upbeat and positive message for Rhonda, the butterfly itself is a personal symbol I had chosen over a year ago to represent that someone was going to pass over to the Other Side … A caterpillar getting its wings. The butterfly symbol came through significantly a week before my cat passed last year, so there was no doubt when Rhonda said it was the butterfly card she had received, the spirits were not only giving her a positive message regarding her experience, but also telling me “This is it. Someone will be passing shortly.”

I got the news Thursday evening through a friend. I knew at that moment, it indeed was Grammy the spirits were warning me about. When I contacted her family to give my condolences, they told me how her caregivers could feel the time was close. Terri, her granddaughter, had connected with spirit guides earlier in the week through her spiritual development circle, and they informed her Grammy would pass within 3 days – and they were right. My friend Carol, when she tried to psychically check in on Grammy before the end, mentioned all she could pick up was a very high-energy, high-level being protecting her. She detected this being around the same timeframe I had started to see the Raven and crows. Carol wasn’t given a date, but the presence of this awesome angel gave her the real sense of foreshadow.

As I turned away from my desk when receiving the news, I wondered when it would be before I would hear from her. I’ve connected with the newly departed in the past, in some cases within just a couple of days. Curiosity getting the best of me, I opened my senses just a little. I didn’t expect Grammy to come through, and indeed she did not. Instead, however, I was given a wonderful snapshot of moments just after her departure.

All the loves of her life were there, welcoming her as they said they would. And I was shown Grammy with an awestruck gaze, smiling joyously, FEELING free and gasping “Oh my! This is so wonderful! Why did I wait so long to finally experience this side of life?” She was definitely ready to burst with that fire, passion, and exuberance that I was so honored to experience from her several years ago – bursting brighter than she had been in decades. There was this definite sense of casting off the physical world without a moment’s hesitation – running off into the sunrise of newfound bliss.

Grammy’s life and death has affected a great many people. For me, she is my first client to pass away while I still do this work. She is my first client the spirits tried to forewarn me about with a message of demise. It is sad and I will miss her at the gatherings, yet I know in just a few short months, her energy will come back into my field again and we will have a great conversation. I suspect, it is going to be one of the most profound and moving sittings of my life. I wonder, selfishly, how it will change me.

No doubt, with Grammy, it will be filled with excitement, passion, and laughter.

Until we meet again, Grammy, I will be here ready to hear from you …

Jeffrey

Fear in the Course of Development

Not much more to report on this week in regards to working with the “new sight.” Tuesday was the start of a long week of dealing with a sore throat, congestion, headache … You know what I’m getting at: the blahs. Though it could have been worse. Typically when I get a cold, my muscles really ache and my body feels like it’s been knocked around by a freight train. That didn’t happen this time, and I have faired a heck of a lot better than some of my co-workers who were out for three or four days with this.

At any rate, I’m going to take a cue from my good friend Carol Geiler and talk a little about fear. If you haven’t yet, you need to check out her blog for the week, on the fear of being psychic. I have to say, this is probably one of the best blog articles I’ve read on the subject, and there were so many points that I could relate to from my own journey that I decided to scrap my original entry for this week and write a little about them. So, yes, I’m going to reminisce, and hopefully this bit of indulgence will show something as to the nature of spiritual development, namely that at times it can be incredibly uncertain, scary, and yet also the most expansive force in one’s life.

As Carol mentioned, the two main crux objects that produce fear when it comes to dealing with psychic phenomena is judgment and education. For me, I’d have to say the main culprit falls into the judgment arena. It’s one thing to do psychic readings for friends and people who know you, it’s entirely different when you set out to do it for complete strangers. When I first began, I started with friends from my job (which at the time was in downtown Seattle). Friends are easy, because you know they will forgive you and not hold anything against you if it turns out you are wrong in your reading, or conversely, if you’re absolutely right. Friends like to see friends explore, grow, and become greater. Friendship carries with it the sense of comfort from knowing the person, and hence less stress. The fear comes with the introduction of someone you have never met before, because you have no clue as to their orientation: how do they view psychic phenomena? How do they react normally to the strange and unknown? How closed up are they going to be because 1) they don’t know you, and 2) they may have prejudices and their own fears about things psychic. The first year of doing readings for me was a mixture of friends and strangers. However, the strangers were friends-of-my-friends, so there was some connection within the network. When my company laid off nearly two-thirds of the staff (me included), I had to bite the bullet and actually go do a complete non-connected, no-contact stranger.

That wasn’t easy. It was actually sheer terror. Here, Carol talked about such moments as resulting in either facing your fears directly or shutting them down. By this stage, I had done enough readings to know that I had some ability, but knew that if I didn’t keep moving forward, I would never know just how much more I could learn – and who I might be slated to help with whatever I could do. My sense of needing the education, mixed also with a meaning of purpose, helped me push through my fear. But I have to tell you, it was tough. I was an emotional and physical wreck leading up to the reading.

I had placed a simple flyer on a bulletin board in a supermarket advertising free readings. When I got the call, my heart ended up in my throat. On the day of the reading, my head was spinning with thoughts of “What are you doing? Are you crazy? You could potentially look like a total fool! My god, it will be a miracle if you get anything!” Yes, I seriously was terrified. But I also knew if I didn’t go through with it, I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again. It was one of those things that, had I abandoned it, I would wander through the rest of my life asking the question “What if?”

It’s the “what if” that has propelled me to push through a lot of my fears. I prepared as best I could for that reading: I meditated, I recounted some of the really good “hits” from previous readings with my friends … I could feel my spirit guides pressing me on. When I got into the car to travel to the client’s location, I played soothing meditation music. When I arrived and stepped onto the pavement of the apartment complex, I don’t think I was any less fearful than what I was that morning when I got of bed. But I had made the trip and was going to move ahead so I would never have to ask “What if?”

And good thing I did, otherwise I know I wouldn’t be here right now. The reading lasted 90 minutes and was filled with some wonderful evidential details. My favorite piece of info was that I saw a Native American in my meditation prior to my arrival, and he handed me a book and said it was for the client. My client was not Native American, nor did she have any Native American paraphernalia on display. During the course of the sitting, the spirit showed up again. When I mentioned it, she laughed and told me she just picked up a book a few months earlier to speak a Native American language.

When the reading came to a close, I was on such a wondrous high. On the drive back home, I couldn’t wait to read another stranger.

Of course, time sets in and the further away you get from a reading, the more you get back into your rut. Though this first real “blind” reading was a major success, I still feared doing the next one. And the next one. And the next one. Even now, after having done this for eleven years, there are times I get frightened before doing readings - worried if things are going to work and if I will be seen as a loony, or worse yet, a fraud.

But one thing the course of my development has taught me: timing is everything. Though you may not necessarily believe in yourself, spirit doesn’t push you into something if they know you are not able to do it. For me, I’m a resistor – I push back when my spirit guides tell me to go do something. Again, fear has a lot to do with it. And when this happens, my guides will keep pushing, knowing that I haven’t given up the course, but am just dealing with fear.

This type of “fear in the face of development” all came up again when I had to do my first group reading, which was simply going to be an experiment. Again, I was terrified, but came through.

I could go on, but suffice it to say, fear for me has been a big issue in my work. And for some of you who know me, you might even say it’s held me back; a lot of people were predicting when I first got started over a decade ago how far out into the mainstream I was going to be, as if to say I was going to be the next celebrity psychic. That hasn’t happened, and I have no idea if it ever will or even if that’s where I want to be. But I still do the work because of what it says about the multidimensional nature of our beings, so that’s the force behind my drive these days.

Carol mentioned you could lose friends and family during this journey. Absolutely, and I’m no exception. I didn’t speak or hear from my family for nearly two years after I divorced my ex-wife – something I absolutely had to do because of the incompatibilities in our relationship, and psychic phenomena, though not all of our issues, was certainly a part of it. That event to this day is still the darkest period of my life. When I walked out the door leaving her behind, I prayed to my spirit guides that “they had better be right about this.” Yes, indeed, during my struggle to decide the course of my future leading up to that fateful day, they told me “You have to leave.” This was the true test of my faith, as I left everything behind. I took very little with me. And had to weather the storm of being called “crazy,” and having lost my mind by my family. I only had one or two close friends around me, and I still had to battle every day inside my consciousness for nearly a year that I was doing the right thing. I left my family, a home, a place that at least provided shelter, but never would have given me room to grow and be who I am meant to be. Now when I look back, had I stayed, I most likely never would have moved forward in reading groups; becoming a member of the Ghost Society; and writing a book and being on the radio? Forget about it. Not only that, there would be another very lonely soul in the world trying to find her way – my wife, Heidi. For those of you who see me and Heidi living such a great life, know that it came on the work of some very hard and fearful events.

When you open up to this kind of work, you really can’t objectively close the door and go the other way. For me, shutting down in my earlier years would have been tantamount to death. At the time in my former marriage I was very overweight and fighting for my own sense of self in the world; to have a purpose and a point for my existence and why the relationship was just never working. And, yes, when you come to the threshold of going out into the unknown, as I have done with attempting my first reading with a stranger, or my first group reading, or the extreme measure of ending a marriage, it is extremely terrifying. But again, timing is everything; spirit doesn’t give you something you aren’t prepared for. (I think this is different in comparison to jumping in with both feet when you are being told, on some level, it’s not the right time. Then the question becomes: how do you know the difference between the two? Well, I suppose that could be the topic of another blog.)

With the release of my book, I’m facing a new set of fears. Now I am being exposed to a wider audience – a whole massive slough of strangers throughout the world, as I call in and talk on various radio shows being broadcast over the airwaves and the internet. Feeling vulnerable? You bet. It’s not for the squeamish. But I’ve gotten this far and survived it all … So at least in this endeavor, I feel I have a very good foundation to jumpstart from. And is typical, when the guides told me it was time to write a book, I resisted. Then accepted. And have moved forward.

Yes, there is a fear with being psychic.

Development and evolution, in some respects, isn’t meant to be easy. It’s the challenges that make us grow and become stronger. And I think it’s something we all share.